Prepare for brain splurt! Well I don’t know. I guess I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately and I just want to put my thoughts down somewhere. They’re all stored up in my head and maybe someone cares to know about me. I guess the freshest thing will be first. My sister thinks he and I are cute. Everybody thought we would get together. He did too at a point and I thought of the idea, but I’ve never seriously considered it. First is because I couldn’t and wouldn’t forgive he and I for hurting someone I really loved at the time. Second is because I just wouldn’t seriously consider it. Friendzoned him. And he was so weak and broken, it was more like I just took care of him. He doesn’t like me right now. I’m saying all this, because although he doesn’t like me, he’s still attached. That kind of links this to something else. I know he and I could see us being “together” for a long time. I promise him that I’ll always be his friend but how close we can be will change. I want adventure. I know that now. It might change in the future. I might fail college. But at the moment I know that I want to find myself and grow and reach for it. In a way I am being held back… I met this guy. We started talking and flirting and my friend flipped out. Granted, it was completely out of nowhere when he and i were still close and in a false reality, but that event brought out a lot of issues and such. I realized I want more. I realized I’m unfaithful in a sense and I’m not going to get into a legit relationship so readily so soon. But yeah also that guy I met and my ex have a few similarities. They’re both ambitious and want better for their selves. They really do. They come from poor backgrounds and they are doing so much to reach their fullest potential. It’s not hard to admire that. So a bit of that has rubbed off on me and I want to do my best too. I want everyone to do their best. I know not everyone can, but at least to not give up on life. There is so much people to meet, places to see, and things to do. I’ve done things on impulse and settling down just isn’t in me at the moment. I want to pick up that guitar and learn songs. I want to sing. I want to dance. Sure I might not have the time in school, but the potential is there. I used to chase my ex everywhere. I was so insecure. Now I’m more confident. And yeah that guy. I’m not talking about him, because I’m so into him or whatever. He’s really just an inspiration. And I’m not saying he doesn’t have his faults. He’s been able to do so much and get into a really good school almost by sheer will power. Meeting him and everybody really. I’m really grateful for that. And I’m nervous and excited for the future. I’m not going to leave anybody behind though. These are my thoughts on myself. I’m hoping my friends find the strength to move on and shape more of themselves in new people, places, and things. It might be monotonous and seemingly hopeless now, but… I’m hoping they can find adventure in their life may it be with a lifelong partner or.. a meteor giving them superpowers… idk. I love you. ahaa.